Yoga

Room for Silence

How loud is your silence?

There have been times in my life when illness has taken my voice. This week it’s happened again and, as always, it’s forced me to listen to my own silence.

Sometimes silence can be loud

The temptation is to fill the silence with things: films, music, podcasts, reading — even reading is loud inside your imagination… but it’s also a good practice to listen to the silence, without the distractions.

There was a time at university when my voice disappeared without illness or warning for about two weeks, and I became very adept at listening. Just as hearing heightens with the blind, it works the same for the mute. What was fascinating was how much people assumed and misinterpreted whenever I attempted to communicate. I bonded with one of my best friends to this day because she was one of the only people to actually listen.

It became a kind of experiment: instead of writing down all I wanted to say, I decided that unless it was urgent, I wouldn’t say anything. That’s not to say I became passive, but if my space for allowance was originally the width of my body, it broadened to fill the room. I made more room for other people. Inadvertently, I became more generous. Because of this, an interesting thing happened:

In my silence, I was heard

At a school meeting, discussing the trajectory of our year, I had a point I wanted to make. At this state, I could speak in a raspy whisper, strong as a down feather. The whole school year and head faculty, about 85 of us, collectively held their breath to listen. Because they all knew of my condition and because my condition had forced me to be succinct and only whisper if truly needed, I never felt more heard in my life. My silence made me loud.

Instead of just writing off my idea among the sea of voices, they mulled over it in discussion. I don’t even remember what we were discussing or if they sided with me, but none of that matters. I was heard, considered and respected in a profound way.

Drunk with the power of that, I haven’t spoken for years! (That’s not true) But I have since valued silence with far more gratitude.

Yoga Challenge: This week, your challenge is to make your silence loud through listening

Next time you find yourself in grouped company, instead of speaking as much as you normally do, listen instead. Don’t be creepy about it, gauge the room. But when people are conversing, really listen to them instead of planning what you’ll say next.

• Maintain a mindful breath throughout
• In a state of allowance, observe the people around you
• Really listen to what they’re saying and not saying, in their words and body language
• Instead of driving the conversation to you, ask questions to actively listen to and learn more about them
• Let this be an exercise in generosity: listening with your heart and giving them more room to be themselves with complete allowance
• Ask yourself how can I give them more space to be who they are? How can I listen to them even more generously?

We get so wrapped up inside our own minds, waiting with baited breath to jump in with our own story, to share our own perspective and tell our own truths. Making room for others to speak and share can release the need inside of us to be right. Since we are more generous when we feel listened to, the louder your silence, the more you can hear and be heard.

It’s possible to make more room for others by using silence to truly listen